I think i peed on brittanys purse
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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