Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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