Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
