JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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