she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
