My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
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