I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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