1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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