First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have fence marks all over my body
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
