she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
