Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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