my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
