I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
