This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
