My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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