Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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