sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
