when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
