Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he was CRYING into my vagina
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
