You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
