I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
