im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
