Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
