dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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