He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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