And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
