We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
