New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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