My liver just broke up with me...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
