fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize