Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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