where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
