One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ttyl tear gas
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
