Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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