did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
