I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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