thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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