pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
