dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
