Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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