so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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