They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
