all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
