Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
