is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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