So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
