Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
