i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
