I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
