Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
