smell my finger.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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