Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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