My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
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I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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