Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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