So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
