I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
