I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
