May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
