My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
