I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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