mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
