the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
