I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
