I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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