If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Are my feet made of real feet?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
