Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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