she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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