I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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