I feel great
I just peed on a car
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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