he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How external is "for external use only"?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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