man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
