I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
