All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
