happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How naked do you want me to be?
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